When the inevitable happens, families must manage funerals and burials, which can become complex when cultural, legal, and logistical differences arise. It is not possible to take care of this all from afar and it can take weeks to get all things sorted out if the deceased didn't prepare some of it in advance.
When our parents pass away in another country that we are living, the emotional toll is often compounded by logistical challenges, especially when cultural or legal practices differ from what you are familiar with.
Here are some tips on how to prepare:
Funeral Wishes:
- Discuss and document your parents' wishes regarding funerals or memorials.
- Some may prefer a specific type of burial (e.g., cremation, religious rites, see burial) or burial in another country. It's always advisable to record it in writing (with signature and date).
Local Funeral Arrangements:
- Research funeral practices in the country they are residing at the moment of their passing, including required documentation (e.g. death certificates) and timelines for burial or cremation, and possible burial in another country.
- Certain countries and religions have strict regulations. For example, in some countries, burials (and cremations) must occur within 24–72 hours, in others people have more time to arrange everything.
Tip: Get informed about Funerals around the world/Europe
International burial of the Deceased:
- If burial is requested in another country, contact an international funeral director who specializes in the transfer of the coffin or urn.
- This process involves securing permits, arranging embalming, or cremation, coordinating transportation, often by air and a coordination with the responsible authorities in the country of burial.
Costs and Documentation:
- Funeral and repatriation or transfer costs to another country vary widely; ensure funds are allocated for these expenses.
- Prepare necessary documents, such as birth and marriage certificates, proof of identity, and consents for cross-border arrangements.
Tip: Consider purchasing an international funeral plan, repatriation or transfer insurance to reduce financial and administrative burdens during an already difficult time.
Cultural Sensitivities in Death and Mourning
Funeral traditions are deeply rooted in cultural values, which may influence the ceremonies and mourning process.
- Religious Customs: Ensure that your parents’ religious practices are respected, whether it involves specific rituals, prayers, or burial methods. It is advisable for your parents to mention this in written form (with signature and date).
- Local Norms: In some countries, funeral attendees are expected to provide monetary gifts (e.g. China) or dress in a particular way. Make sure to state this clearly on the obituary and messages you send to those who are invited to the funeral.
Tip: Seek guidance from local community leaders or religious institutions to ensure the ceremony aligns with both your parents’ wishes and local traditions.
Navigating Emotional Challenges
Living far away from aging parents often brings guilt and worry, which can intensify when facing their passing from a distance.
- Acknowledge Your Limits: Understand that you may not be able to oversee every detail, and rely on local support networks or family members.
- Stay Involved: Participate in planning as much as possible, even if it’s from afar.
- Seek Closure: If you cannot travel immediately, organize a memorial or a way to say goodbye to your loved ones in your current location or one of your choice to honor their memory.
Tip: Grief counseling, especially for expatriates, can provide valuable support during this transition. Multilinguals may want to seek help in the language they used with their parents. Especially when the passing was traumatic for those who stay behind, seekng for support in an additional language can already be very helpful.
Conclusion
Caring for aging parents from abroad involves practical planning, emotional resilience, and a clear understanding of local systems and customs. While preparing for the inevitable is challenging, doing so ensures that your parents’ wishes are honored and their legacy preserved. By staying informed and building support networks, you can navigate this responsibility with compassion and confidence, even from afar.
